Feeling... Loved.

I just had the most wonderful evening! Brad & I came home and did NOTHING but hang out together.

When we see each other ALL DAY, sometimes we just lose that... spark.

It's so sweet when Brad goes out of his way to pay attention to ME, to US, and to let me know that he still loves me even though we get caught up in the everday blah stuff a lot. That I'm still special and he's still glad that I'm the one who's his wife.

Thanks for reminding me honey. I needed that right now.

This song is so... me to you. It's our story.

Anyone at All - Carole King

Funny how I feel more myself with you
Than anybody else that I ever knew
I hear it in your voice, see it in your face
You've become the memory I can't erase

You could have been anyone at all
A stranger falling out of the blue
I'm so glad it was you

It wasn't in the plan, not that I could see
Suddenly a miracle came to me
Safe within your arms, I can say what's true
Nothing in the world I would keep from you

You could have been anyone at all
An old friend calling out of the blue
I'm so glad it was you

Words can hurt you, if you let them
People say them and forget them
Words can promise, words can lie
But your words make me feel like I can fly

You could have been anyone at all
A net that catches me when I fall
I'm so glad it was you

You could have been anyone at all
An old friend calling out of the blue

I'm so glad it was you.

I love you baby.

Good Morning World

It's gonna be a bright, BRIGHT, bright, BRIGHT Sunshiny Day! :-)

The Hatching of a Heart

My husband is a sweetie!!! He dropped me off at home today and went to Sonic and brought back a Sweetheart Brownie Blast! Oh wow are those good. Right up there with the Choco Cherry Love Blizzard from Dairy Queen. I really am gonna have to cut out all this junk. I have had SUCH a sweet tooth lately! But at least I'm wasting calories on GOOD tastin' stuff.

I am much more encouraged today. Thanks to everyone who helped cheer me up. I take little things to heart. If people I love say the slightest off thing to me, it tears me up inside. I don't like people to not be happy with me. By the same token, someone can say the teensiest nice thing to me and it really lifts me up (Brad has it hard, AND easy at the same time!).

I cannot change the past. I cannot change a lot of things in the present. But I can pray! And I can put feet to the things that Jesus puts in my heart to do. I feel like I'm not as quick to respond to the Spirit of God like I used to be. What is it? Fear of man? Fear of failure? Fear of rejection? Fear of... fear? Whatever.

All I know is that I want to stop looking backward and start looking forward. I've got to keep my eyes on Jesus. I want my innocence back, but I'm only getting jaded by comparing myself with... my past self. I've got to look to who Jesus wants me to be NOW. What does He want out of me, here and now?

I've got to quit looking INWARD and start looking OUTWARD and UPWARD. C.J. Mahaney preached an awesome message on that at New Attitude my first time there.

It's funny how some things hit you right away and make an impact, and others kind of simmer for awhile before hitting you full force.

So, HA! As I'm inviting everyone to look inside my soul, I'm trying to look out and up. :-)

Umm... you're blocking my view. :-)

Feeling...Grey.

Here I am at 12:50 a.m., just now blogging. Church convention was good, but I came away feeling kind of blah (a typical emotion for me lately). I tend to focus lately on NEGATIVE instead of my usual look-on-the-bright-side self. Little things bug me when they shouldn't.

OK, bright side time.

Benjamyn Page is absolutely adorable! I got to hold him. Wow, he's tiny. I haven't seen a newborn in forever. Caetie was walking around holding him and it reminded me so much of when Bekah was born. I was 11.

Bekah and I shared a room and a double bed and when she was little she always wanted to cuddle next to me at bed time and have me tell her about how I prayed for a sister FOREVER and then God gave me her.

I wish I hadn't taken her for granted so much. Oh, to have all those lost moments back.

I know that I talk about this so much. Part of my guilt is that now I am so far away from my siblings, and now that I realize how I could've been a better sister, I'm too far away to do what I want to. The irony is that I probably would never have realized had I NOT moved far away. It stinks.

I guess I need to just give all of this over to Jesus (again).

Good part about today is that I felt pretty while out in public for the first time in... I can't remember when. But at the same time, I obsess about what I WANT to look like and get depressed.

Good grief I need to get a grip and take my own advice (via Chris Rice - see blog title and description).

Bright side time, bright side time...

I'm gonna go pray.

Kinda Blah but Glad to be Alive

I woke up this morning to Brad kissing me and announcing, "This is your captain speaking, I've lit the "Get Up" sign, so feel free to get up and move about your life." That's my husband. :-) Wish he would always wake me up so pleasantly!

On the way home from work today, I was thinking about the evening radio show on WAY FM with Jayar (yes, that's how it's spelled). He has this thing he does where he has people call in and tell the craziest thing they've seen that day. So I was thinking about how we NEVER see anything crazy, and probably won't ever. And JUST THEN we are looking ahead and from over the next hill next to the road, there is an explosion!!! Debris and grey dust in a great big billow! It was a construction site that was thankfully far enough from the road as to not cause problems, but we were angled just right on the road so as to have a good view. Talk about timing! So I maybe wouldn't call it CRAZY crazy, but definitely the most interesting thing to happen in a bit. :-)

We have to work tomorrow, thanks to the powers that be in control of our paychecks. HOPEFULLY we will get out in time for our church district convention that starts at one tomorrow afternoon. Teresa told me she wants to come with us Sunday! I'm so glad. I want to help people, but you can't beat them over the head.

I want to take pictures SOOO bad but when we are at work all the time, I can't take pictures! I could take pictures in the evenings at home but the house is a mess (still). I had hoped to have some time to do stuff in the morning before convention... Oh well. Things will get better, one way or another.

Surprise!

It has been a great weekend! I spent Friday night and most of the day Saturday at my friends'/coworkers' house. Rose is a bit younger than my Mama and Becky, her daughter, is 18. Both of them work with Megan & I. We are getting to be good friends, so they asked me over (Becky and her husband Chris live with Rose).

But this was no ordinary get-together. We had a very important reason to get together. What was it, you ask?

Well, I'll just let Becky & Chris tell you...

"No! Don't tell them! Well... ok. I guess you can tell them."

"We, um, well... We're gonna be a Mommy and Daddy!"

"I love her. She's the Mommy of my baby."

Isn't that so exciting!!!! Becky wanted me to be there when she did the pregnancy test Saturday morning, for moral support. So I could either be happy with her if she was, or let her cry on my shoulder if she wasn't. So that's why I spent the night. I was SOOO honored and touched that she'd ask ME to be there! It was a VERY special moment. They are both so excited, and Rose gets be a grandma! Yay!!!

I went to Wal-Mart right away and got onesies and wittle bitty baby socks.

Babies are so much fun, aren't they?

Only 8 1/2 months to go.... :-)

Our Valentine's Day

Here I am, a day late, blogging about my Valentine's Day. But you see, I was a tad busy. Lemme tell you about it...

We left work and stopped by Wal-Mart to pick up a couple things, and then went home. I locked myself in the "den" to finish my Romantic Valentine's Music mix, and then Brad shooed me into the bathroom and commanded me to take a hot bubble bath while he made dinner. He had it all planned out.

The bubble bath was AWESOME since I never take the time to do that. Always quick showers before running out the door to work.

When I got out, Brad had everything ready so I hurried and got dressed up a bit, turned on my music mix and we sat down to a lovely candlelight dinner! Brad made meat marinara sauce with angel hair pasta, salad and garlic bread. We drank wonderful sparkling white grape juice from our goblets (WOW is that stuff good!). It was WONDERFUL! Everything was delicious. I was SO proud of him. Brad had gotten me "Happiness Flowers" a little plant of the cutest daisies you ever did see. (When we are having a good time one of us says, "Happiness!" and then the other says, "Happiness!" It's an "us" thing. You wouldn't understand.) Those were on the table and it was SO pretty.

We opened our presents to each other over our dessert: chocolate cheesecake. Mmmm! Yummy!

Brad told me that I couldn't spend much money on him for Valentine's Day because he had already spent a bunch on me. So I was careful but I was very pleased with what I got him. He LOVES things with maps and things like that on them so I found a globe at Romancing the Stone that was HIM (yes I like that store, but no I don't like everything in there, but as long as you don't buy a Buddha you're ok, except for the fact that I come out of there smelling like incense and afraid it's weed scented incense!). It is a clear glass ball with the countries frosted onto it (not lasered) on a stand. I wrote a note on the bag that said, "Baby, You're my World. I love you!" He loved it. He's definitely the kind of guy that 'gets' the heart that you put into a present. I also got him a stuffed monkey that says, "Love Bug". He calls me "Cuddle Bug" so it was close. :-)

And then I opened my present. He had said that he would want to use it too, so I thought that it was probably a massager from Bath & Body Works that we had wanted, and I am thinking, "that booger, to get me something for me that is really for HIM!" But wow did he ever surprise me!

It was an Olympus Stylus Verve 4.0 digital camera!!!!

I was shocked! I have wanted a digital camera for so long! We have been married nearly 3 years and have almost NO pictures. The best years of our lives (supposedly) are flying away and no record of them! I love looking through the pictures of my parents' early years. I want my kids to have that too.

So warning: My blog will most likely be overrun with photos for at least the next week or so.

I will post more things about the day later. I must sleep now.

Is this the last moment we have together? How about now?

I am not thrilled at the moment. My brother has leave for 4 days to come back home before he's shipped out to Iraq. I was trying to figure out if I could go home to see him one last time before he goes.

Brad's dad is coming through during that time on his way to OK City for a training school, and I could go with him and them come back home a week later when he comes back through. But I don't think they would let me off of a week of work and I can't afford to miss that much work anyhow.

Josh and Heather are also planning to do a mini-honeymoon during that time since they didn't get one after the wedding.

Thought that if his leave fell on a weekend, I could drive over there just for the weekend, and at least see him one more time.

Well, people had the nerve to make the comment that it wouldn't really be worth it to go all that way and only see him for one meal or something. Hello!

This is my brother we're talking about! Families do what they can for each other.

If he were to go to Iraq and not come home, and I missed that one last meal together...

Don't they understand that?

We've got to treasure every moment we have with our loved ones. Because you never know when it will be the last.

Fill Up Your Tank

Well, after much fiasco we finally have a new (to us) car! And we can drive it legally now!

I'm so thankful. I like the Cougar, it has been faithful. A lot of memories in that car. But it is so nice to sit in a car that has heat, that isn't falling apart.

It's a Suzuki Grand Vitara. We don't have a digital camera (yet) so I took this photo from here. It looks basically like that, except for the brush guard (whatever that is). Except ours is a 1999, with a 2000 engine.

We had an interesting experience with it Thursday night, though. We didn't get off of work until about 7, so we headed home on 840, only to get to the Speedway exit and start to run out of gas. The cougar has a light that comes on when you are low on gas, so we don't even really look at the gauge anymore. Brad says that they don't call it an "idiot light" for nothing!

We have no cell phone anymore.
Brad: I'll walk home and get gas and come back and get you. I'll be back sometime in the middle of the night.
Me: You can't do that! It's too far!
Brad: We got to though!
Me: Well, take me with you!
Brad: I can't, you're too slow! I need to go fast!
Me: It's freezing! You'll freeze to death, or someone will pick you up and kill you. I will be sitting here in this cold car with NO coat (I don't need one, the car has heat, right?), NO blanket, and I'LL freeze to death or some wacko will come pull me out of the car and kill me!
Brad: What else do you suggest?
Me: Well, if you're gonna walk somewhere, Rose lives about 7-8 miles down the road here...
Brad: Ok, write me directions.
Me: Ok... wait! There is no way you're gonna find it in the dark! You've only been there once! And you'll freeze to death before you get there!
Brad: Probably.
Me: Well, at least try to flag someone down who has a cell phone before you go out to your certain death.

At this point 10 other cars have already passed us. Brad gets out of the car and prays, "Please help us Jesus!" And the next car stops. A big white van. He has a cell phone. I'd say it was an angel but he was a smoker. But hey, even Pharoah must do the bidding of the Lord.

The only numbers we have with us is what Brad has written on business cards in his wallet. Which are Bro. Campbell and Bro. Shaw. Why just those two I have no idea. Left a message on Bro. Campbell's phone, and got a hold of Bro. Shaw. Gave him directions to where we were, he is on his way. We crawl into the back seat to cuddle, trying to keep warm. We figure it's gonna be about 30- 40 min before he can get there. It's about 8 pm now.

Next thing we know, a truck is pulling up in front of us. It's Bro. Campbell! We forgot to call back and leave a message that Bro. Shaw was coming. I felt bad getting him out there for nothing, but I was soooooooo thankful for the warm truck!

It ended up being a good thing that Bro. Campbell came anyway, because when he called Bro. Shaw, he was lost on 840 (he's not familiar with the area). So if Bro. Campbell hadn't come, Bro. Shaw would still be wandering around 840 looking for us, and us with no phone.

So Bro. Shaw brought a bit of gas, and Bro. Campbell and I followed Brad (I got to stay in the warm truck! Yay!) to the gas station in front of Cedars of Lebanon.

I felt really bad getting the whole rescue squad all the way out there so late at night... But it could have been a lot worse! But they were so nice and sweet about it all. I am very thankful that Jesus was watching out for us, and that I didn't end up with an Iceman for a husband. I really am blessed. Told Bro. Campbell how much I appreciated his help, and he just said, "Wait until I do something to appreciate me!" :-) He's so sweet.

Hey, uh.... Honey? Do we have gas in the car?

My Thoughts... My Shortcomings

I was talking with someone recently, and I was saying how cool it would be if we had youth meetings every week at church (Wendy made this suggestion, and I think it's great!). This person said that it would get to be too much of a strain on the leaders, plus people are too busy, they want their weekends, kids wouldn't come.

I say, it doesn't matter who comes or doesn't. If a few people decide they want to get together every week at church, then more power to them. If more and more people jump on the bandwagon, then we can accommodate that too... More people means more workers. It doesn't always have to be so elaborate and stressful for the organizers ( I say this, willing to help with whatever is needed).

I commented, no one has to come if they don't want to. They aren't forced into it, but if it's in your heart to be there, they'll be there. No big deal. But Christians in other countries go to church 7 days a week , and walk miles one way to get there! The response was, they have a different lifestyle than ours, so you can't compare them to us. We have school, jobs, etc...

So I've been pondering that all day. I automatically disagreed, but I like to look at things objectively, from all sides, before I make up my mind. Even if my mind is made up, most of the time I'll listen. That's how I grow. I can't just believe something because that's what I was taught, or because I have a fuzzy idea about it... It has to be, what does the Word say? What does Jesus say? Why did He say it? And God, who is all-knowing, does expect us to think for ourselves... I'm so thankful that He didn't create us as robots. I'm not sure that I believe that we should believe something just because God said it. Yes, we should, but... it's hard to say what I'm thinking. Have you ever met someone that you asked to explain something to you, and they just said, Because, it's in the Bible. That's not teaching. I guess what I mean is that we have to believe something because it's the truth. If I automatically accept everything in the Bible just because it's there, how do I really know what it says? I may trust that my English teacher is going to tell me how to correctly write an essay, but I need to process the information to figure out WHY what she is telling me is correct. Not second-guessing everything, not being wary of everything. Just LEARNING and processing with my mind, but also with my heart. And if you have a heart that wants to learn God's truth, then He will increase your knowledge and understanding and wisdom, and write it on the tables of your heart.

Whew... I hope that sounded the way I thought it and meant it.

So thinking along those lines today, how everything needs to be weighed against the scriptures...

And the thought came to me. If I can't compare my Christian life here with Christians in other countries because we have different lifestyles, then I can't compare my Christian walk with the people in the Bible, either.

I'm not saying that everyone should wear robes and sandals. I'm not even saying that everyone should go to church seven days a week... but the early church did (Acts 2:46). I'm just saying, that I look at the fervor and dedication and DESIRE that is so great in these people, and then I look at myself.

I think my culture really lulls me to sleep. I LET it lull me to sleep. I get so caught up in a routine, thinking things have to be a certain way. But if I had a fire in my bones like these others do, would things be different? Would I be so quick to want to sit around watching DVD's? Would STUFF matter so much? Or would I actually be COMPELLED to evangelize, to fellowship, to have Bible study with other Christians.

Sigh. As I say this I'm looking around at all the STUFF I have... others have nothing. But yet I hold on to STUFF and my routine.

So, I'm preaching to myself this morning. I don't like change, I like my stuff, I like my routine. But... I'm spurred on by the cloud of witnesses I see around me, in other countries, in other cultures, and in the Bible.

If my lifestyle is getting in the way of my relationship with God, and preventing me from having that kind of zeal (radical as it may appear to others), then maybe my lifestyle needs to change.

Must... not... conform... must... press... onward...

My Brother's B-Day!

I didn't get to blog yesterday like I wanted to, so I'm a day late, but I don't want to miss this opportunity.

Happy 17th Birthday, Micah!!

Yes folks, my little brother Micah is seventeen years old as of yesterday. He's growing up...

I remember when he was little, he would jump off of the back of the couch all the time! We think he was trying to be Superman...
And he would sneak into the fridge and get into stuff. One time, when my aunt and uncle came to visit, Mama had made a carrot cake with cream cheese icing. Mama opens the door to pull it out to serve it... and there are two big Micah-shaped handprints! Luckily, it wasn't anything a little butter knife couldn't fix.... They never knew the difference! :-)

He used to call me Dachel. :-)

I miss him...

Turn the Radio Up!

I loved service tonight!

The Campbell's presentation of their trip to Honduras was awesome... but a little disappointing, just in that I know that being there would have been so much more awesome than watching it. Know what I mean? Not that it wasn't awesome... Hope I'm making sense.

It really spurred a lot of thoughts in me tonight.

When I was twelve, the church that we were going to did a teen study of Experiencing God: Knowing and Doing the Will of God. During that study, I felt Jesus really speak to me about telling people about Him. Well, being very excited to have heard from God, I ran with it and decided that I was called to be a Missionary Nurse to China or something! I've described it like this: I was so excited to hear the radio that I turned it off and instead of keeping on listening to the rest of the music I went and told everyone how cool it was to have a radio.

Afterwards and a couple years later, I realized that while God has the liberty to call me to be a foreign missionary in the future, I am to be a missionary in the pilgrim land I'm in now. Wow! Really deep, huh?

But at the time I thought I was to go on foreign soil, I looked into a mission trip to Mexico with a group that turned out to be really disappointing. They basically went there to make themselves feel like they had done their duty, instead of doing it out of a heart that burned to tell the world about Jesus. I was very disillusioned and did not go on the trip. It was about a year after that I realized I had turned off the radio.

And now I'm looking back at all of this... And I wonder . I have the radio on now... but is the volume turned down low? Do I change stations?

I think in my old age (ha!) I've become a tad cynical. I want to recapture some of that innocence I had about serving God back when I was 12. Some of that awe.

I guess it all just boils down to the fact that if I keep my eyes on Jesus, if I focus on my relationship with him, then my relationships with other people will be what they need to be too. I can't be distracted with all of the... stuff. I've got to keep my ear glued to the radio, and the more I listen, the more I love it, and the more I want other people to listen with me.

I want to fall in love with Jesus all over again.