Feeling...Grey.

Here I am at 12:50 a.m., just now blogging. Church convention was good, but I came away feeling kind of blah (a typical emotion for me lately). I tend to focus lately on NEGATIVE instead of my usual look-on-the-bright-side self. Little things bug me when they shouldn't.

OK, bright side time.

Benjamyn Page is absolutely adorable! I got to hold him. Wow, he's tiny. I haven't seen a newborn in forever. Caetie was walking around holding him and it reminded me so much of when Bekah was born. I was 11.

Bekah and I shared a room and a double bed and when she was little she always wanted to cuddle next to me at bed time and have me tell her about how I prayed for a sister FOREVER and then God gave me her.

I wish I hadn't taken her for granted so much. Oh, to have all those lost moments back.

I know that I talk about this so much. Part of my guilt is that now I am so far away from my siblings, and now that I realize how I could've been a better sister, I'm too far away to do what I want to. The irony is that I probably would never have realized had I NOT moved far away. It stinks.

I guess I need to just give all of this over to Jesus (again).

Good part about today is that I felt pretty while out in public for the first time in... I can't remember when. But at the same time, I obsess about what I WANT to look like and get depressed.

Good grief I need to get a grip and take my own advice (via Chris Rice - see blog title and description).

Bright side time, bright side time...

I'm gonna go pray.