Just Me.

It's late and I really should be in bed, but I was sitting here thinking, if someone who used to know me came and read my blog, what would they think of me?

Would they say I'm ditzy? Goofy? Silly? Unsubstantial? Unintellectual?


And you know what?

I don't really care what they would think. Because I AM all of the above.

I guess what I'm really thinking is that I am glad I can be myself. I don't have to worry about what anyone thinks about me. I have a husband who has seen all of the sides to my multi-faceted personality. And you know what? He loves me anyway. So if all the rest of the world sees is the goofy, silly, non-sensical side of me, that's okay. Because someone out there loves all of me.

I can just be... me.

Ix-Nay on these Ames-Nay

There are certain names I cannot name my child because of the history I have with people with those names.

Nathan (Kim would be amused at this one: The gift or the giver?)

Sarah

Christopher

Jeremy

Crystal

Jennifer

Tamara

William

Daydream Believer

I've been having incredibly weird dreams lately. I think it's because of the crazy pregnancy hormones.

This first dream I can't blame on the pregnancy, but since it's related I have to share it. Around Christmas, I dreamed I was pregnant and my stomach was the size of a hot air balloon. When it was time to deliver, the doctor took a long needle and popped my stomach just like a balloon. When the smoke cleared, twin six-month old boys sat quietly on the floor (does that explain my extra-large stomach?). Brad freaked out. "There's TWO??? Send one back, send one back!!" But he couldn't figure out which one to keep and which one to send back so he decided that we had to keep both of them.

Then since I've been pregnant, I've dreamed that Megan and I were at someone's house doing laundry, but we went to the store and bought men's underwear and wrote someone's initials in them and hung them on the person's clothes line, apparently trying to incriminate them. As in, "WHY is this person's underwear on your clothesline?" Freaky. I'd NEVER do something like that!

Then I had a dream that the baby was born in a hospital and the McDonald's fry guys were there(you know, the things that look like cheerleader pom-pom's with eyes and legs with sneakers). They were trying to take over my baby! Though Bekah pointed out that would be difficult with no arms. But that doesn't seem to stop the Veggie Tales characters, in instances other than the theme song. Some serious continuity issues there.

Then I dreamed that my boss fired me for having an ultrasound appointment. I was trying to get her to remember that I HAD told her I was going to be leaving early to go to the appointment, but that wasn't her problem. She said that I wasn't allowed to EVER have an appontment of ANY kind, and that I was fired and was to leave the facility immediately.

We used to always watch this show on PBS that was called 3-2-1 Contact. At the end of the show, there was a segment called "Mathnet." There was a man detective and a woman detective. The always had to use the Fibonachi sequence or something like that to solve a crime or mystery. I LOVED it!!!! Well, I dreamed that I was in a little room and the lady detective was shining a spot light on me. She wanted to know WHY I pluck my eyebrows with tweezers instead of having someone wax them. I freaked out and was crying. "I don't know, I just didn't want to pay someone to do it!" I think maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me my eyebrows need attention, which I have thought about before this dream. But where on earth did Mathnet come from? I haven't thought about that in forever.

Then night before last I dreamed that I went to the Subway that our friend Nittin at work co-owns. The place was deserted, and there was a sign that said, "Make your own." So I made myself a turkey sandwhich on wheat with sweet onion sauce.

Yumm... sounds good....

Modesty and Fashion, continued

I guess what I mean is that I really don't like my style most of the time, but I'm too poor to buy new clothes that I really really like as opposed to what I actually own, and have for years, and then most of the time when I find something I like, it's too SMALL!!! But I have decided that I am gonna be a clearance rack cute Pregnant lady! Maternity clothes are sooooo cute, and they are geared towards making a big tummy look cute! How 'bout that???

I have never really followed fashion, I just like what I like. If it happens to be in style, then so be it. I'm just trying to get across the idea that you don't have to wear a burlap sack in order to be modest, you can look nice. Just don't look at me as an example because right now I don't even like my own style very much, but until it's maternity clothes time, I can't do much to change it right now. :-)


At any rate, I'm gonna have to break out the sewing machine again. Like I have any time for THAT right now!

Edifying Online Content

Things I've been reading online lately, Part One:

Most everyone knows that I love Josh Harris' books and philosophies. Well, his mentor is C.J. Mahaney. C.J. has 3 lovely daughters and they have a blog that encourages Godly womanhood. (Whew, that was a long setup!)

They have had a WONDERFUL series on modesty! While I don't agree with all of their doctrinal points, they are really bringing home the point that modesty is a heart issue, and how we can not only evaluate our hearts, but think differently so that we can spare our brothers some grief.

Now I know I'm not the poster child for saying this because everyone knows that most of the time I'm frumpy looking. But that's only because I'm poor and I'm fat. At least I'm modest! But trust me! It is possible to be modest and still be stylish!

So don't look at my non-designer look and automatically discredit what I'm saying. I'm a married woman now, and boy I wish I had understood then what I understand now. I wish a lot of people did.

Hiding

I've been incredibly unsociable lately. I've been feeling crummy. I've had a lot on my mind and heart. When I'm like that I tend to retreat into myself. My friends think I've forgotten they exist.

Truth is, when I need my friends most, that's when I tend to shut them out. I love talking to people, and I love being a friend, and I love trying to help people with their problems. But when I have problems of my own, I run away and hide.

Which is not good, because then I'm not in a position to help anyone else, because all I'm doing is looking at ME. It's called trying to survive. But I feel like I should be doing a lot less surviving and a lot more thriving.

Sigh. Thanks for being there. You know who you are. Thanks for understanding and listening when I need it. I'd never be able to make it through without Jesus and friends like you.

He looks like a monkey...

Happy Birthday Honey Bear!!!

It's my hubby's birthday! He is now the very ripe old age of TWENTY-FIVE years old! Wait, I mean twenty-four. I was still thinking of the twenty-four birthday kisses plus one to grow on. :-)

Goodness, a lot of water has gone under the bridge since we first met. We were both NINETEEN. Can you believe that? We were still TEENAGERS! Look at how many birthdays we've spent together since then!

I hope that this will be one of the very best birthdays ever for my Honey Bear. I love you so much, Bradley!

Micah Peter just happens to be flying in today and he's going to be spending the night at our house tonight so we are going to take advantage of the situation and meet him & Meg for a birthday dinner at Hickory Falls in Smyrna. Yes, Wendy, we're going anyway 'cause we have other GOOD reports, plus it looks soooooo good, but if it's horrid you can say "I told you so." :-)

I have birthday presents Parts 1, 2, & 3. He got part one this morning, new Old Navy shirts. He has to look hot on his birthday! Wait, he always does... :-)

Can y'all tell I'm a little stuck on him? In the words of Shawn Hunter, I've got a "thang" for him.

Brad, I am so happy to be spending this birthday with you. I love you more than words can say and I'm so happy that you are my husband and the father of our child. I hope that we celebrate many more of your birthdays together in the years to come!

Love you!

My Weekend

Saturday we went to the Zoo... we got there at 5:10 and they close at 6, we just wanted to run in and see the giraffes, but it ended up being a Member's Night so we got to stay until 8. It was great! They gave everyone free hot dogs and chips and drinks and doughnuts. We went to sit on picnic tables under a tree where not a whole lot of people were sitting, and lo an behold, who should be sitting at the next table but Bryan White and his family. It was hilarious! He was wearing a cap that said, "I'm a Legend in Japan." Brad didn't notice him and I didn't want to draw attention to him, poor guy just trying to enjoy the evening with his family. I told Brad I should have started saying things like, "So much for pretending, they only give us one hot dog" or "Well, I wanted Sprite but I must have been wishing on someone else's star". It was amusing.

I celebrated my very first Mother's Day yesterday! It was so sweet. Sis. Teresa honored me as the mother-to-be at church... although I thought it was silly because I'm not a mother-to-be, it's a baby NOW, so I'm a mother NOW, but it still was sweet. A lot of people apparently hadn't heard so it was a shock. Everyone gave a big cheer. :-)

Brad took me to IHOP for lunch... I was craving eggs and they have stuffed french toast that is absolutely divine. I couldn't finish it all so Brad helped. :-)

Then my last mother's day request was a trip to Goodwill. We went to the one on Nolensville Rd. and it is dinky though they did have some good maternity shirts. I may go back there for those later. But I found two awesome books! "All the Way Home" by Mary Pride, the sequel to "The Way Home"! Yay!!! She can be a bit extreme but for the most part she is my hero. Her personality reminds me of Wendy. :-)

I also found a book from '79 called "Special Delivery" by Rahima Baldwin Dancy. Like many natural childbirth books of the seventies, you have to sort through the nonsense but there is a lot of just good basic info about natural childbirth that is hard to find anywhere else.

So I was very happy to find such appropriate books on Mother's Day.

More thoughts later.

Fulfilling my daily requirements...

Oh I almost forgot, after the exam, Brad was gonna get me some ice cream. I said, "Let's go get $1 vanilla cones from McD's." He says, "Well, I was thinking Baskin Robbins, but if YOU want McDonald's, okay..." LOL So I got a Waffle cone. Hey, at least there's calcium in there, right?

First Prenatal Visit

Everything went well. I like this doctor. She's very professional but she's very friendly too. Definitely a pleasant person to have around at a delivery.

The thing is that if my baby is delivered on a weekend then it may be attended by any of the 3 other lady doctors in the practice, whoever happens to be on call. But Becky and Rose tell me that they are ALL nice, and Dr. Deppen says I'm free to rotate my office visits with the other doctors so that I can get to know them too.

They did the lovely Pap smear and the internal exam wasn't as traumatizing as I was expecting, though after the whirlwind was over, I did feel a bit violated. LOL That's why I have GIRL doctors! I know that everyone says your modesty goes out the window when you have a baby, well I'm the horse of a different color you hear tell about, and the only man in the room will be my husband.

They did blood work and we'll get the results of those tests will be completed in about 2 weeks. But at this point everything is looking good! She says my due date is Jan. 3rd but we are having an ultrasound Thursday just to check how far along I am, due to my "erratic ovulation."

The nurse there is so sweet. She's an older hip grandma type person. Makes you feel right at home. Wish SHE could deliver the baby!

I didn't ask hardly any questions, just basically let her know that I want a natural childbirth and I learned that they don't have a hot tub thingy for water births so that's out of the question. She did say that I'll only be confined to the bed if there is a legitimate problem (now to find out what they consider a "legitimate problem". If they mean, like, birthing a child, we'll have issues!). But she says that I'm free to move about, get showers, sit... I wonder if I can bring in my OWN birthing chair if I get it approved by the doctor first?

I'm not going to be a very typical patient. I'm nice, but I'm very... hmm. Some things I feel very strongly about.

Please, no one be offended by any of my views on anything here. Every pregnancy and birth is uniquely your own. It's up to you. It is more important that a baby is in a loving home being well cared for than how it was delivered. Healthy babies are the goal. That's all that matters.

But this pregnancy and birth is uniquely mine. My idea of a perfect birth may be different from yours, but it's mine.

I can't wait to watch this baby's story unfold. And ours.

Anyways. I feel yucky and sore. I talked to my Mama and my Lil' Sis and took a nap. Think I'm gonna go fix something for dinner.

LOL, Oh the things I'm saying on my public blog. Words like, "ovulation" and "Pap smear" LOL my modesty is already going out the window!

My Wonderful World

It's been quite a weekend! I've been so tired it's not even funny. I've never slept so much in my life! Add that to my tummy feeling sick off and on, and it adds up to a very exciting weekend. I'm blessed that I haven't thrown up yet.

I'm tired and my back hurts and I really don't wanna go to work this morning. Maybe when they see how pitiful I look they will have pity on me (hmm, interesting grammar there) and send me home.

Thanks everyone for the congratulations. It's nice to know that we've got so many people who are happy for us.

Jon, it's not weird at all coming from you! What I find highly amusing is that you don't even have to ASK if I'm going to have a natural childbirth. You know I'm Mama's daughter through and through!

I've actually started looking into water births. I figure if I'm going to do a natural childbirth anyway, I might as well find out the most comfortable way to do that. It's good to hear that you've had good experiences with water birth, Sis. Rebekah. That's encouraging.

Yesterday I liked Andrew Sterling if it is a boy. He'd be called ANDREW not ANDY. But Brad hates it. Grrr.

I may have to go back to Esmerelda Eleanor if it's a girl....

Just kidding!

Finally... the BIG NEWS

Ok, here it is... the moment we've all been waiting for!

This is what it's all about, folks.

I'M HAVING A BABY!!!

Thursday and Friday mornings I woke up and just felt WEIRD. Not sick, or anything like that, but my tummy just felt WEIRD. So I decided to take a pregnancy test. Now, I've taken a lot of pregnancy tests. They have never looked anything but absolutely negative. But this one showed the positive line RIGHT AWAY, however it was VERY faint. But I'm thinking, hmm, if there's anything there at all I probably really am pregnant.

(It's so faint you can barely see it in this pic)

I was sooooo excited! But I didn't want to get my hopes up too much, just in case. Brad & I decided I should go to the doctor this week.

Thankfully, we have wonderful insurance now! Thank the Lord for wonderful timing!

I took another test on Sunday just to see, and it came out the same way.

Monday I had to ask the Boss' permission to come in late Tuesday after my doctor's visit and got the go-ahead.

Tuesday morning. Went down to the clinic at 6:45 a.m. They have a walk-in clinic only from 7-8 and I wanted to be there as soon as possible so we could get back to work earlier. Of course Brad came with me, but I didn't want him to come back with me, in case it was negative. I would feel stupid.

So I went back... Oh boy I've gained 15 pounds in the past month (could it be twins?).

Saw the nice nurse practioner after taking the test... She says, "Are you new to Lebanon or just to our practice?" I say, "Just to the practice, we just got insurance and I haven't really needed a doctor until now." She says, "Well, this will probably be your last time here, cause we're gonna need to be moving you on... to the OB/GYN..." I'm like..."Really? It was positive?" She says, "Yes! Is this... a good thing?" "YES!!! It's a VERY GOOD THING!"

She gave me the test to take home. No faint lines in this one. No doubt... it's positive.

(Even with a little blurry photo you can still tell it's positive!)

Came home and called my Mama... first I couldn't get ahold of her! I'm like, "I HAVE to tell my Mama first! If I can't get ahold of her, I'm just going to have to lock myself in the house because I am not going to be able to keep this to myself, but my MAMA has to know FIRST!!" Finally they answer the phone, and it was Daddy. "Hi Dad, can I talk to Mom?" Poor Daddy. He was next to know. :-) This will be the first grandbaby for them, and the first niece or nephew for everyone else. They are SOOOOOO excited.

Then Brad called his parents. Maybe I'll let him tell about that. But I could hear Mom Julie shrieking all the way across the room! Yeah, she's a little excited (and will be thrilled that I'm FINALLY blogging about this so that SHE can blog about it too!)

My first OB/GYN appointment is Thursday the 11th at 1:30. WAY too far away!!! I don't know if I can wait that long.

Unless the doc tells me something different, I'm due January first. I'm six weeks along. :-)

Everyone please pray all goes well. Today I didn't go to work because I woke up sick to my stomach, though I still have yet to puke. Then I just cat-napped all day and I'm still so tired it's not funny so I'm not going into work tonight, either. I didn't really want to anyway. I'll no longer be working at Wendy's after next week (and just a few hours, even then). I don't need to be pushing myself like that if I'm pregnant. Forty hours may even be pushing it.

We want a girl first. A boy would be great too, and I want boys, but I think I want a girl first. We have new names picked out everyday. Wednesday it was Bethany Ann. Yesterday I hated it. Today I like Kyla Elizabeth. I don't know about it though now that it's afternoon.

I'm not going to be fit to live with for the next 8 and a half months!

And wait again...

I'm tired. I don't feel like blogging. Everyone's just gonna have to wait some more.

STOP!!! WAIT!!!

Good morning! To anyone who wants to comment here, don't yet, please! Give me a few days, please? I've got some things to do first.

Anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about, you will soon.

Sunday Highlights and Other Stuff

Good morning! Not a lot going on over here, just the normal stuff. It was a good Sunday morning yesterday, in Sunday School we learned about Jacob and Esau. I was talking about how both Jacob and Esau did wrong, and we need to not be like them, we need to do what's right and listen to our Mamas and Daddys. Noah starts singing Johnny Cash's "Folsum Prison Blues." He knows the whole thing! But he got to where he shot a man in Reno, and I said, "That's a sad song, Noah!" He says, "He shouldda listened to his Mama, then he wouldn't be in jail!" Wow! Noah, in his own way, connected with the lesson. It was cute. :-)

We got Little House on the Prairie DVD's from the library, so we've been watching those. I think every single episode has made me cry. They sure don't make TV like they used to.

I finally have my insurance card now so I'm going to the doctor this week because I can! Yay! The dentist is next. It's been probably 5 years since I've been to a dentist. Thank you Lord for insurance.

I've gotta drag my husband outta bed so we can actually make it to work on time!

Later Y'all